Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
