Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
