your parents love me but you hate me
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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