So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
