someone threw a dead crab at me
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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