You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
