I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
