Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
