The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
