I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
