This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
