so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
