What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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