wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
