I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
