I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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