he puts the penis in happiness.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
