When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
