Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
