Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think my vagina is haunted
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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