The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
