I got chris browned last night
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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