If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
