I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
