Having a random hookup so left but love u
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
