theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky š
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him āBeast Modeā. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
