Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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