I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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