I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
