I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The beer is more important than you right now.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
