I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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