TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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