just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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