6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
