Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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