She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
