Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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