The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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