I bet he comes in French.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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