and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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