dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
