i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
