either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
