just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
