I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
