He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
