My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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