when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
