i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
