I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
