i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
