I got chris browned last night
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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