You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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