So drunk, too bad you don't want this
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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