i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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